On most weekdays since the pandemic began, I’ve spent an early morning hour having coffee with my mom in her cottage which is attached to the main house, where we catch up on the mundanities of life and the latest shenanigans in Washington.
I’am a destination walker. I walk all over Palo Alto whenever I can. My favorite destination from Barron Park is to the Post Office. I missed this ritual when I was in France and mailing a package was not easy. Part of the ritual is treating myself to a coffee 1/2 way through. 80% of the time, I do not listen to music. I listen to the neighborhood and smell the rosemary and lavender in many of the yards that I pass. The distance feels easier the more I do it so I challenge myself to try a longer way back home.
"I listen to the neighborhood and smell the rosemary and lavender." For someone whose work is so strikingly visual I love that you're evoking two other senses in this particular sentence!
My morning ritual involves stepping outside on to my back porch to throw the ball for my dog and saying hello to the cosmos. It is dark most mornings or the dawn is just breaking. Welcoming of the day like this I try to remind myself to slow down and see the beauty in all things. As Kelly Corrigan just reminded us in her Friday pod, we must see the awe and wonder in all the small moments. As a friend and I often remind each other... what's the rush but why wait. As an almost empty nester, after raising three boys I see and feel this with more clarity. So I am ready to take that trip, read that book, take that class, share my ideas in the workplace, cook that meal/or skip cooking and visit our favorite restaurant, send the text or email, eat the dessert but take a longer walk or go to the gym. I do call and see my parents more often . As the calls and visits come less often with my adult children, I fill it with calls and visits to my parents. The evolution of these relationships are full circle connections that guide and shape us in this life.
As a non-driver due to poor vision, I walked and biked the streets of Palo Alto in my youth, and again since I moved back in 2019. When I need a break from sharing living quarters with my son and my aging parents, I walk or bike all over town with my camera, noticing the change in the seasons, visiting places I loved growing up, and discovering new ones. I find treasures at all the free libraries and eventually re-distribute borrowed books in different places.
My 85 year old father's daily ritual is to walk through Hoover Park to get two copies of the Daily Post every day it comes out, and to give one to a less-mobile neighbor who thanks him with bananas or plum jam or chocolate.
Mine is to sing out loud while I bike to work and to enjoy my favorite views along the way.
What are you noticing is changing about you as you age?
Over the last few years, I have noticed subtle changes in myself, as well as changes in my parents. As I read your article, I immediately felt a twinge of guilt, even though I live only ten minutes away from my parents and talk to them multiple times a week, and see them almost every week (if not more). I have noticed things that I sometimes blame on the COVID shut down, but realize they are probably more likely the natural aging process that we are all trying to gracefully out run. For my parents their hearing, memory, and sense of adventure have “taken a hit.” For me, I have noticed changes in my sleep patterns, my unwillingness to accept change, and my vision. I think I need to find ways to cherish the memories but also value the subtle changes because they make us who we are. But it is so darn hard.
yep so darn hard... which is why I tried to write this.
my mother and i have been close in proximity (we bought a house together "for the schools") but not emotionally close. the weekday coffees were a pandemic response, because had i not done them my mom would have literally had no one. in the beginning, i thought i was doing them "for her" but after about six months i came to realize that we were getting emotionally closer which is something I've always wanted. then, as she began to take that pandemic "hit" as you call it, i felt really grateful that we'd strengthened our relationship which can help carry us forward. nevertheless is it enough? is it right? is it gracious? i have many twinges of guilt.
Thanks for the walk down memory lane. My 35 year old son went to Juana Briones and Gunn so your landmarks are so familiar. I lived in a condo on El Camino and later a home on Paradise Way. My son now lives in San Diego so I don’t know how often I’ll visit Palo Alto in the future. When I moved to Spokane, my parents lived within walking distance which I cherished. Since moving here 17 years ago, I’ve lost my mom and dad and big brother who all lived in Spokane. I miss them all so much and seeing places in Spokane that bring up memories of them make me feel blessed and happy and sad all mixed up together.
oh how cool that our little local journey is so familiar to you, Joy.
I'm so sorry you've had so much loss in your life. the feelings of being blessed and happy and sad all mixed up together makes so much sense to me. sending love!
I just wanted to say that when you mentioned El Camino Real it made me realize you are so close to where we sent our 2nd child to college this past fall, Santa Clara. I'm sure you are not that close but somehow I feel better knowing you are out there. Your book How to Raise an Adult transformed how we parented and I passed out copies to everyone I knew in this college town. And now I have given your book on how to be an adult to our eldest as she spent last summer on her own doing an internship in DC. I am very much enjoying your emails as I need the guidance on dealing with the college (and still high school) years. Much gratitude to you!
Julie that's so cool! Thanks for letting me know. El Camino Real (The King's Road) runs up and down the whole peninsula. I'm actually about ten miles north of Santa Clara University (congrats to your kid btw!). I'm really thrilled to hear that my work has been of use to you. There's no greater feeling for a writer. Much gratitude back to YOU!
I love this! From your boredom of the same walks (me too) to a gift giver you can't remember to walking with your mom. I remember my mom taking my sister and sisters-in-law to a holiday lunch years ago and her walking faster than any off us crossing a busy street in Chicago. We all marveled and still talk about it, more than 20 years after she died. Thank you for sharing your writing. Enjoy your new gig, your mom and your coffee. Cheers to you!
Today is my oldest son's 31st birthday, and I just finished sending an email that was filled with my love and my memory of him reading the sports section of the local paper over breakfast each and every day. At the time I did not appreciate that he was reading, because in my mind, you are only actually reading when it is a book. I told my son I would love to go back to the little boy at the dining room table and ask him about the baseball statistics that he found so fascinating. What I realize now that my two boys are young adults is that there were so many times that I didn't take the time to stop and pause to be curious about what interested them!
I’am a destination walker. I walk all over Palo Alto whenever I can. My favorite destination from Barron Park is to the Post Office. I missed this ritual when I was in France and mailing a package was not easy. Part of the ritual is treating myself to a coffee 1/2 way through. 80% of the time, I do not listen to music. I listen to the neighborhood and smell the rosemary and lavender in many of the yards that I pass. The distance feels easier the more I do it so I challenge myself to try a longer way back home.
"I listen to the neighborhood and smell the rosemary and lavender." For someone whose work is so strikingly visual I love that you're evoking two other senses in this particular sentence!
My morning ritual involves stepping outside on to my back porch to throw the ball for my dog and saying hello to the cosmos. It is dark most mornings or the dawn is just breaking. Welcoming of the day like this I try to remind myself to slow down and see the beauty in all things. As Kelly Corrigan just reminded us in her Friday pod, we must see the awe and wonder in all the small moments. As a friend and I often remind each other... what's the rush but why wait. As an almost empty nester, after raising three boys I see and feel this with more clarity. So I am ready to take that trip, read that book, take that class, share my ideas in the workplace, cook that meal/or skip cooking and visit our favorite restaurant, send the text or email, eat the dessert but take a longer walk or go to the gym. I do call and see my parents more often . As the calls and visits come less often with my adult children, I fill it with calls and visits to my parents. The evolution of these relationships are full circle connections that guide and shape us in this life.
Gorgeous reflection.
As a non-driver due to poor vision, I walked and biked the streets of Palo Alto in my youth, and again since I moved back in 2019. When I need a break from sharing living quarters with my son and my aging parents, I walk or bike all over town with my camera, noticing the change in the seasons, visiting places I loved growing up, and discovering new ones. I find treasures at all the free libraries and eventually re-distribute borrowed books in different places.
My 85 year old father's daily ritual is to walk through Hoover Park to get two copies of the Daily Post every day it comes out, and to give one to a less-mobile neighbor who thanks him with bananas or plum jam or chocolate.
Mine is to sing out loud while I bike to work and to enjoy my favorite views along the way.
What are you noticing is changing about you as you age?
i love every single moment of this.
Loveliness!!
oh yay :D
Over the last few years, I have noticed subtle changes in myself, as well as changes in my parents. As I read your article, I immediately felt a twinge of guilt, even though I live only ten minutes away from my parents and talk to them multiple times a week, and see them almost every week (if not more). I have noticed things that I sometimes blame on the COVID shut down, but realize they are probably more likely the natural aging process that we are all trying to gracefully out run. For my parents their hearing, memory, and sense of adventure have “taken a hit.” For me, I have noticed changes in my sleep patterns, my unwillingness to accept change, and my vision. I think I need to find ways to cherish the memories but also value the subtle changes because they make us who we are. But it is so darn hard.
yep so darn hard... which is why I tried to write this.
my mother and i have been close in proximity (we bought a house together "for the schools") but not emotionally close. the weekday coffees were a pandemic response, because had i not done them my mom would have literally had no one. in the beginning, i thought i was doing them "for her" but after about six months i came to realize that we were getting emotionally closer which is something I've always wanted. then, as she began to take that pandemic "hit" as you call it, i felt really grateful that we'd strengthened our relationship which can help carry us forward. nevertheless is it enough? is it right? is it gracious? i have many twinges of guilt.
Thanks for the walk down memory lane. My 35 year old son went to Juana Briones and Gunn so your landmarks are so familiar. I lived in a condo on El Camino and later a home on Paradise Way. My son now lives in San Diego so I don’t know how often I’ll visit Palo Alto in the future. When I moved to Spokane, my parents lived within walking distance which I cherished. Since moving here 17 years ago, I’ve lost my mom and dad and big brother who all lived in Spokane. I miss them all so much and seeing places in Spokane that bring up memories of them make me feel blessed and happy and sad all mixed up together.
oh how cool that our little local journey is so familiar to you, Joy.
I'm so sorry you've had so much loss in your life. the feelings of being blessed and happy and sad all mixed up together makes so much sense to me. sending love!
I just wanted to say that when you mentioned El Camino Real it made me realize you are so close to where we sent our 2nd child to college this past fall, Santa Clara. I'm sure you are not that close but somehow I feel better knowing you are out there. Your book How to Raise an Adult transformed how we parented and I passed out copies to everyone I knew in this college town. And now I have given your book on how to be an adult to our eldest as she spent last summer on her own doing an internship in DC. I am very much enjoying your emails as I need the guidance on dealing with the college (and still high school) years. Much gratitude to you!
Julie that's so cool! Thanks for letting me know. El Camino Real (The King's Road) runs up and down the whole peninsula. I'm actually about ten miles north of Santa Clara University (congrats to your kid btw!). I'm really thrilled to hear that my work has been of use to you. There's no greater feeling for a writer. Much gratitude back to YOU!
Yes, I know he did! My heart is full!
I love this! From your boredom of the same walks (me too) to a gift giver you can't remember to walking with your mom. I remember my mom taking my sister and sisters-in-law to a holiday lunch years ago and her walking faster than any off us crossing a busy street in Chicago. We all marveled and still talk about it, more than 20 years after she died. Thank you for sharing your writing. Enjoy your new gig, your mom and your coffee. Cheers to you!
oh that's so cool ER! so glad to relate in these small ways. cheers right back to you!
Today is my oldest son's 31st birthday, and I just finished sending an email that was filled with my love and my memory of him reading the sports section of the local paper over breakfast each and every day. At the time I did not appreciate that he was reading, because in my mind, you are only actually reading when it is a book. I told my son I would love to go back to the little boy at the dining room table and ask him about the baseball statistics that he found so fascinating. What I realize now that my two boys are young adults is that there were so many times that I didn't take the time to stop and pause to be curious about what interested them!
awww what a beautiful gesture on his bday. i'll bet he cherishes it.