The other day, I was taking a two-lane road through town, lined with homes on one side and businesses on the other. I passed the speciality market I shop at when I need nicer things, an affordable senior housing complex, and the demolition site of an elementary school being rebuilt. The tracks were up ahead.
Your writing makes me feel like I experienced that event myself. That’s a special and enlightening experience.
No, I would NOT have called 911 either. A lot of that has to do with whether or not you get someone reasonably competent at dispatch is a crap shoot. They can cope with full blown emergency, but anything else is hit and miss.
When there is not much else to do, be kind. That is what you did. It is, in and of itself, a gift. Or that’s my feeling about it.
I would have walked over to her and had my phone where it couldn't be seen in case - I like to think I would have given her a ride - I would have to have lived this to be sure.
As far as topics that you mentioned - I have written a memoir dedicated to those who have been sexually abused. I would like to see this topic added to your list - I'm hoping, when I give talks about my book, where I will say that the shame always belongs to the abuser, it will open some up to share. I had two speak after my first talk a few weeks ago- one came up to me privately and left before I could speak to her. I immediately went home and had cards made with my name and phone number to give out to those who share privately. I'm not a therapist and would gently suggest that to anyone who is still stuck in their abuse.
also appreciate what you're interested in, and your memoir. can you clarify what you mean about "I would like to see this topic added to your list." not sure which topic you mean. if it's sexual abuse I cannot write about that as i don't have experience with it.
First I would have wished my ER husband to be in the car with me and then we both would have stopped and his calm nature and assessment would have guided the rest of the interaction. Had I been alone I would have stopped but I'm not sure I would have hugged or driven her home as that would have been outside of my comfort zone. You handled it beautifully.
thanks for sharing, Mary. I will say the hug kindof just happened in a matter of seconds. with the runny nose and all i really wasn't sure what i was subjecting myself too. but then i just went with it. i'm thinking she was on some kind of drug. i wanted her to get help. services. had she not gotten up and walked away i would've called ... someone other than 911... which makes me realize i need to have those other numbers handy!
We just spent a week in the San Francisco area and were immersed in areas we had never visited before. Our friends are Asian and their outlook on life, family and helping is so warm and inviting (unlike the Scandinavian influence in MN) that I can see your stopping on the side of the road comes more naturally there than here. Being kind, relaxed, and giving is a gift you have. I think you're right in that she was under the influence of something and, yet, you didn't let that hold you back from doing the generous thing of giving her space to meet you where she was at at the moment - and definitely there is a need to know who to call when the situation is more than you can handle. Fortunately, all was well when you left her.
I could feel your emotions as you approached and then realized it was in fact a human being! I know I would have stopped -- As for calling 911, I probably wouldn't place the call. Here's why. Recently, I observed a man wearing only a hospital gown walking in an alley that is within blocks of two large hospitals. I asked if I could help, and he replied, "No", but in his voice he conveyed that all was not fine. I did call 911 and was told there was nothing that could be done because he was not a threat to himself or others. No, he wasn't a threat -- but he was clearly in need of help. I think about him from time to time and wonder what else I could have done.
Your writing makes me feel like I experienced that event myself. That’s a special and enlightening experience.
No, I would NOT have called 911 either. A lot of that has to do with whether or not you get someone reasonably competent at dispatch is a crap shoot. They can cope with full blown emergency, but anything else is hit and miss.
When there is not much else to do, be kind. That is what you did. It is, in and of itself, a gift. Or that’s my feeling about it.
thx for the feedback on the writing. i'm definitely going for the close-first-person-on-your-shoulder narrator, so i'm very happy to hear it.
As I was reading it, I was thinking, "where's the novel?"
alas i don't write fiction!
I would have walked over to her and had my phone where it couldn't be seen in case - I like to think I would have given her a ride - I would have to have lived this to be sure.
As far as topics that you mentioned - I have written a memoir dedicated to those who have been sexually abused. I would like to see this topic added to your list - I'm hoping, when I give talks about my book, where I will say that the shame always belongs to the abuser, it will open some up to share. I had two speak after my first talk a few weeks ago- one came up to me privately and left before I could speak to her. I immediately went home and had cards made with my name and phone number to give out to those who share privately. I'm not a therapist and would gently suggest that to anyone who is still stuck in their abuse.
thanks for sharing your thoughts here, Jayne.
also appreciate what you're interested in, and your memoir. can you clarify what you mean about "I would like to see this topic added to your list." not sure which topic you mean. if it's sexual abuse I cannot write about that as i don't have experience with it.
ok
First I would have wished my ER husband to be in the car with me and then we both would have stopped and his calm nature and assessment would have guided the rest of the interaction. Had I been alone I would have stopped but I'm not sure I would have hugged or driven her home as that would have been outside of my comfort zone. You handled it beautifully.
thanks for sharing, Mary. I will say the hug kindof just happened in a matter of seconds. with the runny nose and all i really wasn't sure what i was subjecting myself too. but then i just went with it. i'm thinking she was on some kind of drug. i wanted her to get help. services. had she not gotten up and walked away i would've called ... someone other than 911... which makes me realize i need to have those other numbers handy!
We just spent a week in the San Francisco area and were immersed in areas we had never visited before. Our friends are Asian and their outlook on life, family and helping is so warm and inviting (unlike the Scandinavian influence in MN) that I can see your stopping on the side of the road comes more naturally there than here. Being kind, relaxed, and giving is a gift you have. I think you're right in that she was under the influence of something and, yet, you didn't let that hold you back from doing the generous thing of giving her space to meet you where she was at at the moment - and definitely there is a need to know who to call when the situation is more than you can handle. Fortunately, all was well when you left her.
I could feel your emotions as you approached and then realized it was in fact a human being! I know I would have stopped -- As for calling 911, I probably wouldn't place the call. Here's why. Recently, I observed a man wearing only a hospital gown walking in an alley that is within blocks of two large hospitals. I asked if I could help, and he replied, "No", but in his voice he conveyed that all was not fine. I did call 911 and was told there was nothing that could be done because he was not a threat to himself or others. No, he wasn't a threat -- but he was clearly in need of help. I think about him from time to time and wonder what else I could have done.