I’m always listening to conversations around me but my wife always tells me to stop being nosy or that people want to be left alone. Like you, I’m very empathetic and ultimately believe that the more we interact with strangers the harder it is for bad things like racism and ignorance to thrive.
david i feel ya. i think it's a balancing act to be sure. and i agree that these interactions can help us counteract racism and ignorance. here's to you continuing to find that balance (without annoying your wife)!
Thank you for being an example of what is POSSIBLE in this world. I don’t know 100% how to be a human who can do this yet. I am opening my heart to see if I can learn...
i love that you want to do this Marika. i feel like this is who/how i am (in that i didn't have to work hard at it) so unfortunately i have little to offer you by way of HOW you become that person. but i love that you want to!
Oh, Julie. This was beautiful and heartbreaking. The world is full
If so much pain. I feel inspired to be more present to hear the pain of others - and to be more open to sharing mine. Thank you for this reminder of the power of connection. ❤️
When you feel a strangers pain you are a witness to humanity, you become a light in the dark for yourself: by, with and through others, both of you heal a little. When I see someone in distress I say it will be ok, i gage their willingness their openness and then move in further while saying i don’t know what you are going through but you WILL get through it, and it really depends on the energy the, reality is I’m just there to hold space for them, in all honesty every situation is different. We are all humans we can choose to be containers for one another.
I think I’ve always been this way since I was little. My dad was a psychologist and I remember this one Sunday after church this mute woman from our congregation touched my father on his shoulder she reached out to him and wanted to speak with him, I remember staying in the church longer that day as my father sat and spoke with her about whatever she was experiencing, I remember wandering the church and visiting the saints while they chatted between the pews. He never told me what they discussed, I just saw him being there for her, maybe subconsciously this became a thing that I did, because I can’t not pass a person in distress.
Erminia these reflections are beautiful. is the last phrase correct or is there a typo (do you mean I can't not pass a person in distress" or "I can't pass a person in distress"?) i'm trying to interpret it both ways. I feel that i can't pass a person in distress (that is, i stop, and even if i don't engage i FEEL an ache and a yearning to help inside me) but also that i can't not pass a person in distress (meaning everywhere I go, someone is in distress).
WOW Gretchen!!! Thank you for opening up and sharing part of your journey here. I'm so glad my piece found you when it did, and that you followed the emotion that rose up in you, and that you got up and walked around, interrogated it further, and wrote this beautiful reflection. Good on you. I love knowing that at 80+ years you are still learning and growing and becoming more at peace with being you. And the compassion that you're able to summon for others who didn't know how to do it differently. THANK YOU.
Thank you for your note! The piece I wrote needs some more work and then it will go into the book I am writing. "Out of the Mud: My Life Told Through Poetry, Prose and Art." I've written over 100 poems, will have a section called Snippets of Life which are short stories limited to 2 to 3 inch of type. Part of the prose section will be my exploration of moving to Moscow Russia with a group of people to live and work. After I returned from a month visit, the ruble crashed and we could not get funding. But what an adventure!
My art website is gretchenblaisart.weebly.com. I haven't put anything new on it for a long time and at some point this year, it will be time for me to learn how to do that and to create a more functional website. Sometimes I fell a bit overwhelmed by the challenges I put before me, but instead of crawling under my bed, I sit up, look around, take a breath and take one thing at a time. Sometimes, I even ask for help. Novel idea...
Keep doing what you are doing as it is so needed! Many blessings..................
I comment if I am alone, but generally not if my family is with me because it inhibits the conversation. I think if people sense you are authentic and you appear approachable/ vulnerable it usually goes well and can result in some amazing connections. I bet you made a difference (even if a small one) in both of those people's lives.
Also, for what it is worth, that horrible sign served as a hysterical backdrop for my sister's Christmas card one year. My two sisters and I stood in front of it with Christmas hats on for the photo for her card. : )
Signed, a huge fan and likely biggest promoter of your first book in my various physician moms groups online.
thanks for being a huge fan, Dr. Laura. i appreciate you. love that you've seen that sign (small world!) and thank you for your kind words about the potential impact of my actions. i also love that you feel comfortable doing such things when you are alone. i'm aware of that too - my family starts to roll my eyes when i talk to strangers cuz they know it's l likely to go long lol
What a moving story Julie. You see the humanity in everyone and I know each of those individuals will feel seen and heard and no they matter just a little bit more because of their interaction with you. Thank you for sharing and inspiring all of us.
I’ve been too nosy at the hotel bar and so many other places. Some of the most heart felt conversations came from this.
And I was also that kid that got plucked out bc my mom said I couldn’t play with “those kids”. Quanda was my best friend in 2nd grade, and I have prayed so often that I do better with my children, and that she is happy and blessed beyond measure.
I completely identify with this situation and find it's very hard to care and empathize without feeling overwhelmed by the pain and the sense of powerlessness. However, like some of the other comments mention, sometimes a kind word or a small gesture of support can buoy somebody even temporarily. We're showing another human being that we care about the human condition while also trying to impact systemic change. This is especially tough because it will take years to change systems and structures so it's important to feel that there is also an impact one can make every day. thank you, Julie!
I’m always listening to conversations around me but my wife always tells me to stop being nosy or that people want to be left alone. Like you, I’m very empathetic and ultimately believe that the more we interact with strangers the harder it is for bad things like racism and ignorance to thrive.
david i feel ya. i think it's a balancing act to be sure. and i agree that these interactions can help us counteract racism and ignorance. here's to you continuing to find that balance (without annoying your wife)!
Thank you for being an example of what is POSSIBLE in this world. I don’t know 100% how to be a human who can do this yet. I am opening my heart to see if I can learn...
i love that you want to do this Marika. i feel like this is who/how i am (in that i didn't have to work hard at it) so unfortunately i have little to offer you by way of HOW you become that person. but i love that you want to!
Love this article. I seem to ache for everyone who carries pain, and always want to tell them, "I see you."
I feel you Renae. How often do you take a step further in that direction? What are the pros and cons of doing so?
Oh, Julie. This was beautiful and heartbreaking. The world is full
If so much pain. I feel inspired to be more present to hear the pain of others - and to be more open to sharing mine. Thank you for this reminder of the power of connection. ❤️
Thanks for offering that willingness Carol. 👊🏽
When you feel a strangers pain you are a witness to humanity, you become a light in the dark for yourself: by, with and through others, both of you heal a little. When I see someone in distress I say it will be ok, i gage their willingness their openness and then move in further while saying i don’t know what you are going through but you WILL get through it, and it really depends on the energy the, reality is I’m just there to hold space for them, in all honesty every situation is different. We are all humans we can choose to be containers for one another.
I think I’ve always been this way since I was little. My dad was a psychologist and I remember this one Sunday after church this mute woman from our congregation touched my father on his shoulder she reached out to him and wanted to speak with him, I remember staying in the church longer that day as my father sat and spoke with her about whatever she was experiencing, I remember wandering the church and visiting the saints while they chatted between the pews. He never told me what they discussed, I just saw him being there for her, maybe subconsciously this became a thing that I did, because I can’t not pass a person in distress.
Erminia these reflections are beautiful. is the last phrase correct or is there a typo (do you mean I can't not pass a person in distress" or "I can't pass a person in distress"?) i'm trying to interpret it both ways. I feel that i can't pass a person in distress (that is, i stop, and even if i don't engage i FEEL an ache and a yearning to help inside me) but also that i can't not pass a person in distress (meaning everywhere I go, someone is in distress).
Thank you Julie! Following is what I wrote after reading your piece.
Compassion and Connection
by Gretchen Blais 4/23/23
Julia Lythcott-Haims, I read her pod today; savoring the style of writing, the sharing.
Then came the story of 19 year old Nicole's last will and testament and her hard life.
Julie acknowledged the strength Nicole gained from that life, her ability to see beyond the surface.
She did that as she declared the the injustice, the not OKness of what happened.
My eyes grew moist, some tears crept out and down.
I rose from my computer and walked my house, breathing in, breathing out.
It was as if someone had seen my existence, acknowledge my hard life.
The turmoil, the continual lack of attention, of being ignored and the violence, oh the violence.
Julie's floating energy connected with mine and touched a deep something within to bring more light.
Acknowledging a stranger makes a new connection and the energy between meets as one.
As I move further into my wisdom years of 80 plus, new connections gently appear and surprise me.
I don't often revisit the growing up past but when I do, it's not the anger, the resentments, the loss.
The thread that use to be a rope strangling me, holding me back, still wiggles time and again.
But the path I walk now touches a deeper place within to reveal a newness, a sense of compassion.
I visit it again today am touched by all the adults in my life who were so unaware of others.
They had no concept of the true needs of myself, my ten my siblings or themselves.
There is no way their behavior can be justified, and they had no idea how to do life different.
That notion has led me towards compassion, lightness, a place of, 'oh well,' life moves on and I'm here.
Growing up I didn't know that common sense and wisdom were my constant companions.
They keep and kept me safe, they guide me and others to new insights, to fun, to a Being of Peace.
WOW Gretchen!!! Thank you for opening up and sharing part of your journey here. I'm so glad my piece found you when it did, and that you followed the emotion that rose up in you, and that you got up and walked around, interrogated it further, and wrote this beautiful reflection. Good on you. I love knowing that at 80+ years you are still learning and growing and becoming more at peace with being you. And the compassion that you're able to summon for others who didn't know how to do it differently. THANK YOU.
Thank you for your note! The piece I wrote needs some more work and then it will go into the book I am writing. "Out of the Mud: My Life Told Through Poetry, Prose and Art." I've written over 100 poems, will have a section called Snippets of Life which are short stories limited to 2 to 3 inch of type. Part of the prose section will be my exploration of moving to Moscow Russia with a group of people to live and work. After I returned from a month visit, the ruble crashed and we could not get funding. But what an adventure!
My art website is gretchenblaisart.weebly.com. I haven't put anything new on it for a long time and at some point this year, it will be time for me to learn how to do that and to create a more functional website. Sometimes I fell a bit overwhelmed by the challenges I put before me, but instead of crawling under my bed, I sit up, look around, take a breath and take one thing at a time. Sometimes, I even ask for help. Novel idea...
Keep doing what you are doing as it is so needed! Many blessings..................
all of this sounds amazing. i'm inspired. thanks for sharing.
I have often engaged with strangers and they all have been very positive.
i'm happy to hear that Susan
What a lovely story of human connection at its very best. I am relieved to know that I am not the only one who eavesdrops!
hahaha we should go out and people watch together some time 😊
I would love to do that!!
I comment if I am alone, but generally not if my family is with me because it inhibits the conversation. I think if people sense you are authentic and you appear approachable/ vulnerable it usually goes well and can result in some amazing connections. I bet you made a difference (even if a small one) in both of those people's lives.
Also, for what it is worth, that horrible sign served as a hysterical backdrop for my sister's Christmas card one year. My two sisters and I stood in front of it with Christmas hats on for the photo for her card. : )
Signed, a huge fan and likely biggest promoter of your first book in my various physician moms groups online.
thanks for being a huge fan, Dr. Laura. i appreciate you. love that you've seen that sign (small world!) and thank you for your kind words about the potential impact of my actions. i also love that you feel comfortable doing such things when you are alone. i'm aware of that too - my family starts to roll my eyes when i talk to strangers cuz they know it's l likely to go long lol
What a moving story Julie. You see the humanity in everyone and I know each of those individuals will feel seen and heard and no they matter just a little bit more because of their interaction with you. Thank you for sharing and inspiring all of us.
thanks Mica. i'm trying to help us where i can. it amazes me how such relatively small things can be of use. i think its about presence.
Yes. People tell me deep stuff because I listen. I have been blessed to hear soe remarkable stories.
i'll bet you have, beth. you're such a good listener.
Thank you for sharing these precious moments
thanks for reading, shan
This is beautiful
i'm glad you liked it 😊
I’ve been too nosy at the hotel bar and so many other places. Some of the most heart felt conversations came from this.
And I was also that kid that got plucked out bc my mom said I couldn’t play with “those kids”. Quanda was my best friend in 2nd grade, and I have prayed so often that I do better with my children, and that she is happy and blessed beyond measure.
I'm so glad Quanda had you 🤎
I completely identify with this situation and find it's very hard to care and empathize without feeling overwhelmed by the pain and the sense of powerlessness. However, like some of the other comments mention, sometimes a kind word or a small gesture of support can buoy somebody even temporarily. We're showing another human being that we care about the human condition while also trying to impact systemic change. This is especially tough because it will take years to change systems and structures so it's important to feel that there is also an impact one can make every day. thank you, Julie!