Thank you so much Julie for that moving and thought-provoking post. What is staying with me the most is your final comments about the embers of our own anger being such a danger. It is so true, and yet what is the answer when our instinct is to hate the haters? With all that is going on right now, I am finding it really easy to fan those flames and really hard to know how to stay in a place of kindness and compassion. Yes, Chardonnay might help. Your posts, your insights, and your wisdom do as well.
Thanks Julie! :) so many voices of vitriol. Social media has gamified the interpersonal space. We need ways to cool off those amygdalas, especially when we feel threatened. I'm sorry you have to face the public who are not in therapy or have other relational or internal means of tolerating distress. You might also like this post and podcast - What Do We Feel When We Feel Close? The Dim Sum Dialogues | Psychology Today (September 19, 2023) - Talks about creating communities that share distress, with links to associated podcast on YouTube, SoundCloud and Apple Podcasts The podcast includes that famous scene from THE FAREWELL about East and West, with a discussion. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-pacific-heart/202309/what-do-we-feel-when-we-feel-close-the-dim-sum-dialogues
Made me cry, and that's not easy. It was your curiosity and compassion that did it. (I would be okay with a council member crying on the dais, by the way. I can remember some getting choked up back in the "welcoming city" days in early 2017.)
Also, I'm interested in how the commenters were handled - lowering the volume and then ending comments for items not on the agenda. My city council has received the guidance that they have to let the comments play out, warn them, and then cut them off if they comment a second time - and have thus ended Zoom comments, which is not a longterm solution IMO.
Hi Cathy, I'm glad that the piece resonated with you emotionally. To your question, they first begin speaking in public comment on items not on the agenda. (That is where pretty much anything can be said.) a number of minutes in, because we had already passed the allotted time for that on our agenda, our procedure allows us to continue on with the agenda and return to the Item later. So that's what we did there. Then when they bombed us in response to agenda items (faking that they had something to say about the item, say Cubberley,) it was listen, warn them, then turn off their mic.
I was not there, but thank you for saying what you did, and to the council for directly acknowledging the hate speech and addressing why it happened. My fervent wish is that we all become able to stop and truly listen to each other without shouting back so loudly we drown each other out.
You gave the people at that meeting the dignity and space to be heard. Your city had the wisdom to have the tools in place to provide a forum and not a fight with very measured and heartfelt responses. All each of hopes is to see and be seen and not be labeled. When face to face with opinions as henious as you were, staying curious and dignified while unaccepting of words of hate is the high road to take. Comforting those hurt by words and finding the space to let the feelings run through you is the right path. Until we, as a country and world, can return to discourse that is civil we can only have people like you and those on your city council set the example for leadership and love for one another. These are trying times and your style and modeling is one step in the collective of people wanting to return to a world in which guns and bombs don't dictate our actions to one another. I don't know how you have the fortitude and I'm glad you have your home and family to return to for your recharge - please keep being that high bar we all achieve.
Thank you for addressing the hate speech so compassionately during the meeting, Julie, and afterward in this column. I've been reading about these Zoom "bombings" happening all over the country, and I'm comforted by knowing our City Council has a protocol in place to handle them. Meanwhile, handling the fear and horror triggered by such speech within myself also needs a protocol. A powerful first step in that effort might be calling to mind the father & son expressing their gratitude after waiting their turn to speak.
Dear Julie, Again, thank you for sharing your world, a world we might not see. Thank you for holding space for the people in the chamber and for us. Thank you for putting our world in words, with clarity and balance. I’m reading Ann Patchett’s “Tom Lake”, this quote helps me: “We clump together in our sorrow. In joy we may wonder off in our separate directions, but in sorrow we prefer to hold hands.” Again, thank you for holding spaces for us to clump.
I want to huddle with you, Julie, and all like-minded others!
Thank you for sharing compassion for so many different people's anguish and suffering and for modeling what it means to be a genuine, feeling, thoughtful, reflective, loving member of society.
Thank you so much Julie for that moving and thought-provoking post. What is staying with me the most is your final comments about the embers of our own anger being such a danger. It is so true, and yet what is the answer when our instinct is to hate the haters? With all that is going on right now, I am finding it really easy to fan those flames and really hard to know how to stay in a place of kindness and compassion. Yes, Chardonnay might help. Your posts, your insights, and your wisdom do as well.
Thank you for picking up on that. I don't have answers, but I think being willing to ask the questions is a good way forward. Thanks Mary!
Abusive power is in full view, if it wasn’t before. This article and my article on abusive power in references may help.
Keeping a Cool Head and Warm Heart During a Crisis | Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-pacific-heart/202310/keeping-a-cool-head-and-warm-heart-during-a-crisis
Thank you for sharing your beautiful piece. I found it really helpful and I will amplify it.
Thanks Julie! :) so many voices of vitriol. Social media has gamified the interpersonal space. We need ways to cool off those amygdalas, especially when we feel threatened. I'm sorry you have to face the public who are not in therapy or have other relational or internal means of tolerating distress. You might also like this post and podcast - What Do We Feel When We Feel Close? The Dim Sum Dialogues | Psychology Today (September 19, 2023) - Talks about creating communities that share distress, with links to associated podcast on YouTube, SoundCloud and Apple Podcasts The podcast includes that famous scene from THE FAREWELL about East and West, with a discussion. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-pacific-heart/202309/what-do-we-feel-when-we-feel-close-the-dim-sum-dialogues
thanks for this!
Thank you for this resource
You’re welcome!
Made me cry, and that's not easy. It was your curiosity and compassion that did it. (I would be okay with a council member crying on the dais, by the way. I can remember some getting choked up back in the "welcoming city" days in early 2017.)
Also, I'm interested in how the commenters were handled - lowering the volume and then ending comments for items not on the agenda. My city council has received the guidance that they have to let the comments play out, warn them, and then cut them off if they comment a second time - and have thus ended Zoom comments, which is not a longterm solution IMO.
Hi Cathy, I'm glad that the piece resonated with you emotionally. To your question, they first begin speaking in public comment on items not on the agenda. (That is where pretty much anything can be said.) a number of minutes in, because we had already passed the allotted time for that on our agenda, our procedure allows us to continue on with the agenda and return to the Item later. So that's what we did there. Then when they bombed us in response to agenda items (faking that they had something to say about the item, say Cubberley,) it was listen, warn them, then turn off their mic.
Thank you for holding that space, Julie. ❤️
Thanks Linda
I was not there, but thank you for saying what you did, and to the council for directly acknowledging the hate speech and addressing why it happened. My fervent wish is that we all become able to stop and truly listen to each other without shouting back so loudly we drown each other out.
Yeah. The white supremacists are in another category. They delight in chaos and ridicule. You just wanna say "who taught you to be so mean?"
You gave the people at that meeting the dignity and space to be heard. Your city had the wisdom to have the tools in place to provide a forum and not a fight with very measured and heartfelt responses. All each of hopes is to see and be seen and not be labeled. When face to face with opinions as henious as you were, staying curious and dignified while unaccepting of words of hate is the high road to take. Comforting those hurt by words and finding the space to let the feelings run through you is the right path. Until we, as a country and world, can return to discourse that is civil we can only have people like you and those on your city council set the example for leadership and love for one another. These are trying times and your style and modeling is one step in the collective of people wanting to return to a world in which guns and bombs don't dictate our actions to one another. I don't know how you have the fortitude and I'm glad you have your home and family to return to for your recharge - please keep being that high bar we all achieve.
Mary, this is such a beautiful reflection and it gives me the strength to keep going. Thank you so much.
Thank you for addressing the hate speech so compassionately during the meeting, Julie, and afterward in this column. I've been reading about these Zoom "bombings" happening all over the country, and I'm comforted by knowing our City Council has a protocol in place to handle them. Meanwhile, handling the fear and horror triggered by such speech within myself also needs a protocol. A powerful first step in that effort might be calling to mind the father & son expressing their gratitude after waiting their turn to speak.
Yep, I agree. I'm trying to figure out the best way to share my article with them so that they can see how much I was moved by their persistence.
Thanks so very much and so very balanced.
Susan
Thanks Susan.
Dear Julie, Again, thank you for sharing your world, a world we might not see. Thank you for holding space for the people in the chamber and for us. Thank you for putting our world in words, with clarity and balance. I’m reading Ann Patchett’s “Tom Lake”, this quote helps me: “We clump together in our sorrow. In joy we may wonder off in our separate directions, but in sorrow we prefer to hold hands.” Again, thank you for holding spaces for us to clump.
What a beautiful quote, thanks for sharing Kim!
Thanks so much for your leadership and for sharing. Sorry that you and all had to listen to this hateful speech.
Thank you Renee
I want to huddle with you, Julie, and all like-minded others!
Thank you for sharing compassion for so many different people's anguish and suffering and for modeling what it means to be a genuine, feeling, thoughtful, reflective, loving member of society.
Thank you for huddling with me!
This is one of your very best columns.
I appreciate that Heather. 🙏🏽