I live in New Orleans and this is common practice here. While I'm sure Stranger Danger is as insidious as it is everywhere else, New Orleanians are ingrained to give a good "how are you doing?" to everyone. Waiting in line at the store? Chat up the person behind you. Riding an elevator? How about that Saints game? Walking down the street? At minimum nod, but more likely it's "hey, how are you?" or "where y'at?"
I noticed this habit after Katrina when I was evacuated to Atlanta. I still chatted people up in line - and they made it a point to move away from me. I wasn't even born here in New Orleans, but I definitely acclimated to the talk-to-everyone habit.
I've tried to teach this habit to my son (now an adult) with mixed results. He's naturally shy and did get some Stranger Danger messaging at school (NOT from me). Rather than not talk to people, I encouraged him to talk to everyone, to get to know people. His basic nature (or the messaging he got from school and friends), however, still leads him to be more reserved than is typical here. Still, he knows that's the "way" and I think he'll come around eventually.
I love all of this. The shoutout to New Orleans culture, the noticing of a difference among Atlantans, how you've raised your son. My kids smile and roll their eyes a bit when my "hello" leads to a short conversation with strangers - it does tend to slow you down a bit, but isn't that the point??
you’re SO correct! wuzzup, people?? SPEAK, God gave you vocal chords, use ‘em! I wasn’t ‘trained’ to speak to my fellow humans, I just am that way. so is most everyone else, they just hide from it.
I live in New Orleans and totally relate/agree! Having just enjoyed the last few days of Mardi Gras, I'd say the inclination to chat up strangers is even more pronounced during this carefree time period ;-)
I don't often talk to The Horde, as we fondly call the high-school cyclists - when we see them, it's usually a huge pack of 30 and it's just hard to make eye contact with that many people at once.
But I talk to kids in public places like stores or airports. I think it's important for them to learn what a normal interaction with a stranger is, so that they have a baseline to compare to if they have an interaction that doesn't feel right.
And when I'm biking on a trail, after I've called out "on your left" to let someone know I'm passing, I'll say a "good morning" as I go by. It makes me feel less like I'm asking them to get off the sidewalk and more like we can enjoy the space together.
It's hard to do this with a huge pack of 30, Lottie, to be sure! I love that you're trying to help them have a baseline for 'normal' stranger interaction which will then help them have a point of comparison to gauge if something doesn't feel right. Also love your biking etiquette and kindness. Though not at all surprised! Good to hear from you. Glad the boys still find time to hang out!
HELLO Julie! Yes! I'm on this mission too. As a high school college counselor, I am surrounded by highly driven / high achieving teens. I adore them and consider myself a counselor of hope (as I've helped them navigate college admissions over the past 30 years)... but I increasingly encounter fewer students saying hello back in the halls; holding doors for others; etc. I truly believe that we have to model this behavior. As someone who has lived in Illinois her entire life, I am often called out for being "the Midwestern girl" who says hello. I love how you stated the need "to be seen". Yes! We need more HELLOS and smiles to acknowledge each other. The self-isolation and non-verbalized loneliness is real. While my own teen children will say: "Mom! Why are you saying hello? You don't even know them!"... I smile and continue to model the behavior -- discussing with them the importance of this human interaction. Let's keep modeling the behavior and planting those seeds. I'm in! .... And Julie... I reference you and Brené Brown with my students ALL the time. You are my Yodas.
Note: Because of my love of RuPaul's Drag Race, I am known for serving the triple greeting: "Hello, Hello, HELLO!" (Can I get an Amen?!?) :)
This is at once fantastic and hilarious. The habit of audible greeting (sometimes, at ridiculous volumes) was ingrained during my first year at (military) college. I've incorporated the custom--within acceptable decibel limits--at several workplaces and towns with mixed results. The advent of earbuds significantly reduced response rates; perhaps I should reinstate the ridiculous volume? ;) Seriously, though, what better way to recognize humanity (regardless of age) than a simple, genuine greeting? It's the first step to being seen. I applaud your--and your mother's--generosity: Gifts of Gregarious Greetings!
Bring back the ridiculous volume, Jeff! I've found that volume plus a big hand wave in a circular motion draws the eye, then they see your lips moving, then they pay attention.
Love this. I'm a runner (or more accurately, a jogger), and it's common for runners to acknowledge each other as they pass with a quick hand wave. I like the camaraderie of it. But I also say hi to the walkers I pass. (I'm lucky in that we live right on the Bay Trail so I can go out my door, turn left, and walk/run along a beautiful marshland with egrets, herons, ducks, and assorted wildlife. I always say hi to the people out walking with little kids, and of course the folks with dogs. Almost everyone says hi back, or nods. (I will say that as a woman running alone, I don't always greet men unless they are also runners. Sad, but here we are.)
Hi Julie! I love this mission! Last evening I had the privilege of speaking to the parents at Seattle Academy of Arts and Sciences, and I was humbled by how much harder parenting has become in just the time since my sons were in high school. Not only do we need to support teenagers, we also need to give their parents the encouragement they deserve!!
Absolutely love this idea! I enjoy learning the names of kids at my son’s school and then surprising them when I say hi ______, how are you today? They usually respond but also with a look on their face, like, do I know you? Love it!
yay to you for doing that! when i was a college dean i worked with a group of about 50 elected student dorm reps and i made it a point of memorizing their names and faces before the first meeting so that i could greet them all by name. it stunned them, i think. i was trying to say "hey i'm making this effort, and it makes you feel seen, yeah, so now I hope YOU'LL go do that in your dorm."
I loved this! The other unseen group that could use a hello and a smile is parents of little kids. I’ve been noticing the weary looks of overwhelm when I see time out and about. I know the effort it took to bundle those young ones here in Chicago to get out the door in these temperatures. And yet I often see other adults shooting looks of judgement as a toddler squirms or complains or failing to hold open a door as a parent navigates hand holding and/or a cumbersome stroller. A hello and a smile makes these parents feel seen too and it matters. 👍
Loved your blog today, Julie. I walk to work at Stanford and make a point of trying to say hello to students on my way in. So many have ear buds and don't seem to hear. You've emboldened me to speak up with my greeting!
I just love this. I am the lady in the bike path nearly every day saying “morning” to nearly every old person and young alike. I also have an internship at a middle school this year. I stand by the busses every morning and afternoon saying Good Morning and “have a good day, See you tomorrow “ to the kids…especially the ones who are trying to avoid being seen or seem alone. Just trying to let them know that I see them and their presence at school matters.
Just like you said, I have no data to prove that it makes any difference…but I just have to believe that it does ❤️
I live in New Orleans and this is common practice here. While I'm sure Stranger Danger is as insidious as it is everywhere else, New Orleanians are ingrained to give a good "how are you doing?" to everyone. Waiting in line at the store? Chat up the person behind you. Riding an elevator? How about that Saints game? Walking down the street? At minimum nod, but more likely it's "hey, how are you?" or "where y'at?"
I noticed this habit after Katrina when I was evacuated to Atlanta. I still chatted people up in line - and they made it a point to move away from me. I wasn't even born here in New Orleans, but I definitely acclimated to the talk-to-everyone habit.
I've tried to teach this habit to my son (now an adult) with mixed results. He's naturally shy and did get some Stranger Danger messaging at school (NOT from me). Rather than not talk to people, I encouraged him to talk to everyone, to get to know people. His basic nature (or the messaging he got from school and friends), however, still leads him to be more reserved than is typical here. Still, he knows that's the "way" and I think he'll come around eventually.
I love all of this. The shoutout to New Orleans culture, the noticing of a difference among Atlantans, how you've raised your son. My kids smile and roll their eyes a bit when my "hello" leads to a short conversation with strangers - it does tend to slow you down a bit, but isn't that the point??
you’re SO correct! wuzzup, people?? SPEAK, God gave you vocal chords, use ‘em! I wasn’t ‘trained’ to speak to my fellow humans, I just am that way. so is most everyone else, they just hide from it.
Amen 🙏🏽
I live in New Orleans and totally relate/agree! Having just enjoyed the last few days of Mardi Gras, I'd say the inclination to chat up strangers is even more pronounced during this carefree time period ;-)
This is fabulous, Julie! I love it.
I don't often talk to The Horde, as we fondly call the high-school cyclists - when we see them, it's usually a huge pack of 30 and it's just hard to make eye contact with that many people at once.
But I talk to kids in public places like stores or airports. I think it's important for them to learn what a normal interaction with a stranger is, so that they have a baseline to compare to if they have an interaction that doesn't feel right.
And when I'm biking on a trail, after I've called out "on your left" to let someone know I'm passing, I'll say a "good morning" as I go by. It makes me feel less like I'm asking them to get off the sidewalk and more like we can enjoy the space together.
It's hard to do this with a huge pack of 30, Lottie, to be sure! I love that you're trying to help them have a baseline for 'normal' stranger interaction which will then help them have a point of comparison to gauge if something doesn't feel right. Also love your biking etiquette and kindness. Though not at all surprised! Good to hear from you. Glad the boys still find time to hang out!
HELLO Julie! Yes! I'm on this mission too. As a high school college counselor, I am surrounded by highly driven / high achieving teens. I adore them and consider myself a counselor of hope (as I've helped them navigate college admissions over the past 30 years)... but I increasingly encounter fewer students saying hello back in the halls; holding doors for others; etc. I truly believe that we have to model this behavior. As someone who has lived in Illinois her entire life, I am often called out for being "the Midwestern girl" who says hello. I love how you stated the need "to be seen". Yes! We need more HELLOS and smiles to acknowledge each other. The self-isolation and non-verbalized loneliness is real. While my own teen children will say: "Mom! Why are you saying hello? You don't even know them!"... I smile and continue to model the behavior -- discussing with them the importance of this human interaction. Let's keep modeling the behavior and planting those seeds. I'm in! .... And Julie... I reference you and Brené Brown with my students ALL the time. You are my Yodas.
Note: Because of my love of RuPaul's Drag Race, I am known for serving the triple greeting: "Hello, Hello, HELLO!" (Can I get an Amen?!?) :)
I love all of this, Lisa, from the mission you're on as a high school counselor, to your modeling it for your own kids, to your emulation of RuPaul.
Amen!
This is at once fantastic and hilarious. The habit of audible greeting (sometimes, at ridiculous volumes) was ingrained during my first year at (military) college. I've incorporated the custom--within acceptable decibel limits--at several workplaces and towns with mixed results. The advent of earbuds significantly reduced response rates; perhaps I should reinstate the ridiculous volume? ;) Seriously, though, what better way to recognize humanity (regardless of age) than a simple, genuine greeting? It's the first step to being seen. I applaud your--and your mother's--generosity: Gifts of Gregarious Greetings!
Bring back the ridiculous volume, Jeff! I've found that volume plus a big hand wave in a circular motion draws the eye, then they see your lips moving, then they pay attention.
Yes, I can see your plans here, Julie.
Love this. I'm a runner (or more accurately, a jogger), and it's common for runners to acknowledge each other as they pass with a quick hand wave. I like the camaraderie of it. But I also say hi to the walkers I pass. (I'm lucky in that we live right on the Bay Trail so I can go out my door, turn left, and walk/run along a beautiful marshland with egrets, herons, ducks, and assorted wildlife. I always say hi to the people out walking with little kids, and of course the folks with dogs. Almost everyone says hi back, or nods. (I will say that as a woman running alone, I don't always greet men unless they are also runners. Sad, but here we are.)
Thanks for sharing your practice, Cynthia, challenges and all.
Hi Julie! I love this mission! Last evening I had the privilege of speaking to the parents at Seattle Academy of Arts and Sciences, and I was humbled by how much harder parenting has become in just the time since my sons were in high school. Not only do we need to support teenagers, we also need to give their parents the encouragement they deserve!!
amen to giving parents the support they deserve!
Absolutely love this idea! I enjoy learning the names of kids at my son’s school and then surprising them when I say hi ______, how are you today? They usually respond but also with a look on their face, like, do I know you? Love it!
yay to you for doing that! when i was a college dean i worked with a group of about 50 elected student dorm reps and i made it a point of memorizing their names and faces before the first meeting so that i could greet them all by name. it stunned them, i think. i was trying to say "hey i'm making this effort, and it makes you feel seen, yeah, so now I hope YOU'LL go do that in your dorm."
I love this... what a beautiful example of how the little things are the big things.
100%
I loved this! The other unseen group that could use a hello and a smile is parents of little kids. I’ve been noticing the weary looks of overwhelm when I see time out and about. I know the effort it took to bundle those young ones here in Chicago to get out the door in these temperatures. And yet I often see other adults shooting looks of judgement as a toddler squirms or complains or failing to hold open a door as a parent navigates hand holding and/or a cumbersome stroller. A hello and a smile makes these parents feel seen too and it matters. 👍
yes to the yes to the yes
Loved your blog today, Julie. I walk to work at Stanford and make a point of trying to say hello to students on my way in. So many have ear buds and don't seem to hear. You've emboldened me to speak up with my greeting!
Julia
i love it. louder voice + bigger smile + larger gesture = just might work!
I just love this. I am the lady in the bike path nearly every day saying “morning” to nearly every old person and young alike. I also have an internship at a middle school this year. I stand by the busses every morning and afternoon saying Good Morning and “have a good day, See you tomorrow “ to the kids…especially the ones who are trying to avoid being seen or seem alone. Just trying to let them know that I see them and their presence at school matters.
Just like you said, I have no data to prove that it makes any difference…but I just have to believe that it does ❤️