I Want You to Hear This From Me
Here in Julie’s Pod, you’ve come to expect my vulnerable and frank reflections about what I experience in the world. I choose to do this because, as a narrative nonfiction writer, I know that the human experience in its myriad forms deserves a scribe. We never know who might benefit when we hold moments of joy or pain to the sun.
So, I’m writing today to let you know something more about me. On Wednesday, a Stanford alumna posted a piece in an online blog about having had a relationship with her college dean. A reporter from our local newspaper called me to ask if the dean in question was me. I developed a statement in response, which I now want to share with you:
Recently, Olivia Haas published a piece describing her relationship with her college dean. I was that dean.
Ms. Haas’ memories and feelings about her experience in a relationship with me are valid. We’d been writing and recording music together and got to a point where we expressed love for each other. That is where it should have ended. I should not have taken it further. While I was not in a position of authority over her grades or academic status at the university, being in a relationship with a student was inappropriate when it happened thirteen years ago, and it would be inappropriate now.
A year after the relationship started, it ended. I resigned from my position. I focused on learning from my mistakes and doing the work necessary to repair where repair was possible.
I apologized privately to Ms. Haas years ago. Now I want to publicly apologize to her for my actions and their impact on her. I also apologize to my former colleagues and students who had the right to expect better of me. And to members of my extended family for whom the public airing of this matter may be difficult.
I am grateful for the support of my amazing partner and our adult children, and for the grace that has been shown to me along the way.
As a subscriber to Julie’s Pod, I’m ALWAYS happy to see your comments and typically I answer whatever questions you may have for me. However, I hope you can understand that in this moment this is the statement I’ve chosen to make, and I will not be commenting further.
xo
© 2024 Love Over Time LLC All Rights Reserved
I appreciate the accountability you are taking here, and I understand why other commenters—part of a community that has meant so much to so many—are leading with kindness in their responses. But theirs is not the only truth.
As one of your Stanford freshmen who looked up to you throughout my time on campus, who eagerly voted for you for city council, who championed you in conversations with others, I feel deeply betrayed by your actions—which you yourself acknowledge were wrong. I am disappointed that you have run for higher office and put yourself front and center when championing important issues—knowing all the while that this could come out, and that when it did, it would hurt the very causes and communities with which you so prominently associated yourself. You have lost my vote and my confidence. I hope you will consider stepping aside so that progressive issues in Palo Alto and the Bay Area can have a champion they deserve.
Julie, I read about it in Redwood City Pulse today. I admire your courage in making this clear and responsible statement. You have my personal support in a world that can find poly and queer hard to understand.