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KnMeade's avatar

I also get this way at live performances. I thought it was only me being a weirdo! Maybe it’s our empathy showing through of how we are trying to relate to how proud, strong and brilliant they are. And that we appreciate them at so many levels.

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

you're not a weirdo! empathy showing through - i love that!

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Amy Sanford's avatar

Julie, this happens to me at ANY live performance. Especially at the end of a play or musical when the performers are taking their bows. It has happened to me for as long as I can remember.

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

wow. yeah. thanks for chiming in!

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kelly close's avatar

I wonder if it is appreciation of teams that are really working together? What a beautiful piece. I feel very lucky that you shared these thoughts with us. You are such a gorgeous writer, Julie, and also what you write about is so interesting. I feel a fascination with these bands, when I see them in parades. Also, just a fascination with parades, and a hope that they will always happen. So much work must go into making these happen behind the scenes, and I bet you know a lot more about that than a lot of us, given all of your work with educational organizations. Thank you again.

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

that's great insight Kelly. teams really working together. a rarity, and a thing of beauty. i rowed crew freshman year at Stanford and the boat only moves forward when all eight are in perfect precision. i appreciated it so much and found it beautiful but i didn't get that wincing pain - perhaps because was too IN it to be able to reflect upon it?

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Janet Krebs's avatar

I too, get choked up when seeing uniform and formation. Besides the obvious and all you speculated about, I might add that 'tradition' triggers a heart string for us. In a world of noise, divisiveness and fake, parades symbolize unity and tradition and work ethic and many other traditional values fighting to stay alive. Thoughts?

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

I like these thoughts, Janet. The thing is, I've always felt this way, not just lately, i.e., in the Internet/Social Media/Fake Things age. To appreciate the value/benefit/importance of tradition as a young person feels incongruous to me - can the young appreciate the old things before they themselves are old enough to appreciate oldness?? What else might I always have been feeling in my body?

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Karen Summerville's avatar

Julie, I know the feeling -- and for me it is "Pomp and Circumstance". Anywhere, anytime I hear the first chords, my body suddenly tightens and tears start to flow. It can even happen if I am listening to the radio in my car. For me, I think it is the idea of transition from one phase of life to the other that touches me so deeply. Do we all have something that moves us so deeply? I wonder. . . . .

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

100% for me too on that song Karen!

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Susie Milner's avatar

I have been in marching bands and this happens to me too. I also have this response to The Rockettes.

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

i'm so glad to know im not alone in this!

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Nichole Black's avatar

For me, it’s the live music. Music touches us somewhere different, beyond the ability to explain. A couple weeks ago, I sang a Messiah where the whole audience stood and sang the Hallelujah Chorus together. I’ve sung that piece countless times for 35 years, but that moment of 400 audience members, chorus, and orchestra all together, just killed me. I couldn’t even choke back the sobs despite all my decades of professional training. I was feeling a little foolish before I looked around and saw countless others (both pro musicians and audience members) in the same shape. I wonder if a music therapist could provide a more scientific explanation?

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

i love this. i used to sing in a high quality choir and i would get moved emotionally - although it was not the same almost wincing pain that I feel when i see a marching band get going.

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Blaise Kielar's avatar

I second Kelly Close - there is magic in a large group coming together in musical community, each voice heard in its own way. Choreography and colorful clothes add to it. And, you may be happy to know, the players can get this feeling too. I lead Durham NC's Bulltown Strutters, a New Orleans style second line band, and there are moments when I get such a connection with someone that I have to stop playing and savor the moment.

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

i love that players get this feeling doo. also love that you lead a New Orleans style band. And that sometimes you "have to stop playing and savor"... i LOVE that!

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Blaise Kielar's avatar

Thank you. My connection to you comes through Barbara Jones, who taught my favorite writing classes at Tinker Mountain (Hollins). If you ever need a daily smile, check out my joke of the day here on Substack. And, when you visit Durham, let's do a Second Line!

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Maria's avatar

Sure, I definitely have that feeling during Palo Alto's annual May Fete parade, when my kid is in the band or when I'm marching with a community group. Belonging and showing that to everyone? The coming together of so many different groups for the same purpose (community)? But I also get that same response when a mindful and kind driver yields to me when I'm biking along the local bikeways. Once, while riding along a bike boulevard, a heard the roar of a huge truck, almost of "monster truck" proportions and when I looked back, it had pulled back to drive a safe distance behind me, giving me the space and priority I deserved along the bike boulevard. That choked me up in the same way as a parade. Unexpected kindness?

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

beautiful

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Janet Guerra's avatar

Also ice shows. Love your pieces Julie!

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

ice shows!

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Savage PZZA's avatar

Your a Gen X'r too, have you heard of the Jedi? To try and answer this and some of your question, I'll go into trying to exchange your word "breaks" for the word vibrations.

As a person who marched (in the U.S.A.F. military) we all have a built in sense or vibration of what is happening and that's part of why it's so curious yet amazing that it works. Basically they test you to see if your their kind of Jedi.

Anyways, hopefully your heart truely isn't breaking Julie, I believe it's {your} our unique and broadly SHARED experience that we will all someday better understand each other in that we are all vibrating, or the current urbanism saying is that were "vibing".

In any oncoming births, comatose states or deaths, many types of matter (human or not) even antimatter has both particles and wave lengths so vibrations "vibing" is highly connective right?

We're so intricately vibing connected, that medical sciences and our space technologies have now shown us in previous unseen worlds (with the help of computer mappings now) that we have vibration/s in many different spectums. Whether it's inside our bodies or earth itself or in outer space, everything is connected because of vibrations.

We feel your vibe Julie and hopefully it's not really breaking your ♥, your probably experiencing a temporarily overwhelming sense from all the universe's vibes which means you have a high amount of mitochondria.

In short your a Jedi!

Vibe on Jedi! , you could go watch all the Star Wars movies, js. It's really about checking your "breaks" or replace the word with VIBE your getting from the universe and realizing your Jedi senses are working! Try not to light saber anything or anyone on accident with your new found powers ok?

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

wait, I'm a Jedi??? I love this.

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RandomWhit by Whitney's avatar

YES!! EVERY SINGLE TIME!! I do see your husbands point about the lack of belonging. I so badly wanted to be a singer, or on a high school stage, and even in the marching band. I played piano for years with dreams of being on stage but life circumstances prevented that opportunity so I wonder if that is part of it. I'm also in tears at the beginning of every live theater performance whether it's a high school play, an elementary school show, or seeing Wicked. It doesn't matter how good it is, I'll have tears. And if my kids are involved I'm trying to not be a blubbery mess.

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

we're such emotional beings - capable of such FEELING I mean. so beautiful.

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Marika Páez Wiesen's avatar

I do feel it’s something about vulnerability... mortality maybe seems somewhere in there too? What’s funny is, you wouldn’t choke up without the music right? Like if it was just humans marching in uniforms? We are doing a very human thing when we play and witness music...

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

right, the music is definitely an aspect of it for me.

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Elizabeth Marks's avatar

Pride. I have this feeling while watching complete strangers, acquaintances and loved ones compete or perform. I get chocked up, can’t talk and even shed a tear or more. I believe I am feeling proud for these people. I am probably proud of them also. Proud of their ability and courage. When people put themselves out there and do something they have worked hard at I FEEL so proud for them.

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

yes, proud of what they are managing to do, putting themselves out there, and them too feeling proud of themselves!

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Melissa Meyer's avatar

I think you have a very deep appreciation of the work that’s been put in and realize how special the situation is. I get tears when my own kids and students graduate or achieve great things because I hope they realize how truly special the moment is. No one else will every do the exact same thing in the exact same way.

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

yep i think that's a piece of it for sure!

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Janet Guerra's avatar

I bawl at the Disney ones

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Julie Lythcott-Haims's avatar

awwww

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