How I Deal With My Social Media Trolls

A Glimpse at Twitter

Photo by Peter Forster on Unsplash

It’s March. I’m on an airplane headed to Nashville where I’ll give a talk on how to live your best life to students at Vanderbilt University.

Because I have a city council meeting a few days later, I spend much of the flight reading the agenda materials. Being new to public service, I’ve had the stark and shocking realization of how little I really understood about my city before deciding to get involved in the work of it. In the hope that my constituents will be motivated to get involved in whichever issues matter to them, I try to be transparent about what is going on in. So, on the plane I pull out my phone, snap this selfie, and post it to Twitter and my other social media channels.

Later that night I check my social notifications and come across this reply:

My heart sinks. And maybe not for the reasons you think. What I mean is, I accept that not everyone likes me. I accept that some will publicly criticize me. And a quick perusal of this person’s Twitter shows that they like to blame elected leaders for everything they feel is wrong in California. Fine.

What pokes me in the heart is their phrase “pretending to work.” Cuz, why would I pretend to work? What’s the basis for that unkind assumption? And why would they attribute that behavior to me?

Here’s how I handle it:

I get a reply:

Looks like the meanness is going to continue. Then I get a second response:

I see an opening. I reply:

And then I choose to make a different point:

This ends the dialogue.

If a person wants to be a dick, that’s up to them.

But when a stranger takes their dickishness out on me, I want them to know that they’re interacting with a real human being. I give them a few chances to change their tone and if they don’t, then I stop responding to them.

(Here’s an example of a troll I stopped responding to before they wrote this message which pokes fun at my weight:

You might wonder why I bother to respond at all. The short answer is, I believe in humans which means I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. After all, as the saying goes: hurt people hurt people (i.e. those who have been hurt will go on to hurt others) so the asshole I’m dealing with probably has a compelling story which helps explain their approach to the world, and believe it or not I can feel compassion for them and that.

The longer answer is that I ache for us to behave better toward one another. So I try to summon the wherewithal to model it, where I can. You might say I’m trying to appeal to the better angels of our nature. (A phrase from Abraham Lincoln in his first inaugural address.) I’m standing up for the possibility that every single one of us has the capacity to behave better. I think our democracy, our society, our humanity, our wellness, our ability to function, or willingness to keep getting out of bed(!) depends on it.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no saint. I am very much a work in progress. And sometimes, in fact, I’m the asshole.

How bout you? Do you turn the other cheek? Do you fight unreasonableness with reason, and fight anger with love? Or do you get up in their face all high and mighty with anger of your own? When are you able to summon the better angels of your nature? And when are you a little demon? And do you have any control over it? Drop your thoughts in the comments.

Meantime, I leave you with this:

Cuz trolls aren’t just on social media. They’re everywhere. And the universe, America, and your city or town needs you to be one of the good ones.

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🤦🏽‍♀️ Mean people suck. But just remember that something probably made them mean. Let that awareness fill your spirit with a little compassion.

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