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Thank you Julie. This is a perspective (of many) that I had not yet seen and I really appreciate it -- I hadn't considered that it's easier to get caught up in an ongoing rescue (Baby Jessica, 9/11, Titanic sub) because the story is still unfolding and the result is yet unknown. I think we are born storytellers and story receivers, and it's human to get wrapped up, thinking, "what will happen? How will this end?"

It's not a popular thing to say , but I was wildly uncomfortable with all the "haha, billionaires" memes I was seeing. (Is adventuring/exploring now a crime that warrants punishment by death?) At the same time, I was devastated that I learned about the migrant ship from my kids, as it hadn't been on the news -- part of a terrible pattern of the media ignoring the plight of Black and brown people around the world. In both situations, souls died tragically before their time. They all had people who loved them. My heart goes out to all of them.

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Amen Liz.

And like you, I'm deeply uncomfortable with the haha, billionaires meme. It does speak to what I see as a rising resentment toward those who have so much money they can spend vast sums to explore the ocean (or space) when there is so much that money could do if deployed to help humans. I think the resentment is real but we don't get any where by delighting in someone's tragic death.

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Jun 25, 2023Liked by Julie Lythcott-Haims

I had the opposite reaction. Horror at both the attention and the intention of the Titanic submersible people who chose their voyage as a “recreational adventure” - rather meta all the way around to my brain.

That versus the refugees who clearly (it would appear) had no other - or at least no better - choice but to risk their lives to seek a new life away from their homes.

Meanwhile, all the resources that went into both taking the submersible voyage as well as the media resources (including world attention) stands in stark contrast to that dedicated to the refugees.

Something is wrong with this picture and that is what gives me an ache in my stomach and in my heart.

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i feel that so much Lisa. thanks for sharing.

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Jun 25, 2023Liked by Julie Lythcott-Haims

"Let me be the kind of person who seeks out those who are othered and offers them a safe harbor.

That’s who I want to be." Me too, Julie ... me too.

I'm not proud of this, but my immediate reaction, without intention, about the 5 missing deep below the sea on a tourist mission was ... uber-wealthy thrill seekers know the risks. Much like those who pay hundreds of thousands to climb Everest for bragging rights, it's what they bargained for. The media coverage was outrageous.

Moments later I checked myself. I wish no one harm, and certainly it wasn't the outcome the five expected. And yet I feel SO much more empathy for the 700. Risking everything to seek a life for their children. What could be more admirable.

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so beautiful Rachel. thanks for this.

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Jun 26, 2023Liked by Julie Lythcott-Haims

My veteran inner self says they were lost/gone before they knew what in the world they were doing.

Just even entertaining the thought about manning a voyage of this type is unfortunate, which I kinda feel it has common sense to it. Look at our space travel history and I feel you'd recognize the similarities...but I'll apologize for seaming harsh or something of that nature even though this is an unintended part of my processing thoughts.

Many people believe they are individually THE mission expert and in reality none of us are individual or an expert. We are a race of beings that are constantly in need of care. One of our resolves should always be to have an enormous if not monumental amount of community census, care and safety before setting off on ANY exploration.

I'm often reflecting on each days end, how I might of potentially messed up with the people I know and I don't even have the ability to communicate about the external lives that I've pore and or effectively brought a missed action I'm not aware of.

You know the movie Forest Gump eight? I think it said it correctly about, " I may not be a smart man but I know what love is" maybe I've said this all wrong too, idk maybe it's more Tina Turner or Nat King Cole with the song that starts with Unforgettable 🎶 that's what you are 😟🥺🙏🏻

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What an amazing comment. I absolutely love that you often reflect on each days end about how you might have potentially messed up with the people you know. It speaks to such a willingness to be wrong and to learn and grow. I truly do absolutely love it. I do the same but in a far less regular/organized way. If I ended every day with "what did I potentially mess up today and what do i want to try to do differently tomorrow" imagine how much i could grow by year's end!

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Jun 26, 2023Liked by Julie Lythcott-Haims

My brain could not let go of the fact that some mother's son was with her husband on the submersible...for what? The amazing "what did I do on my summer vacation" essay? Mothers are mothers in that they fight for the survival of their children, as the migrants were on their perilous voyage. We all want better lives for our children though putting a son on an experimental submersible would have created a rift between me and my husband for that decision; with parenting comes responsibility for and to another human. So, yes, the dollars spent on the discovery of what happened to the submersible would more than adequately help those crossing the Mediterranean to a future with more hope and safety. The world needs migration to sustain its workforce, especially in countries with stagnant or declining birthrate and to welcome them is our obligation no matter what their skin color or educational background. And for those who are on the front doors of accepting migrants there ought to be resources available and funded to support that welcome. It's an embarrassment to the U.S. to welcome Ukranians while only a trickle of those arriving at the Mexican border get the help they are asking for. Just like the out-of-whack pay for professional athletes (who influence few) compared to teachers (who influence many) we need to really look at ourselves and ask hard questions...the more I do the more I feel trapped in something society has set in place that will take a mammoth effort to overcome because we have forgotten to be kind to all we meet. At least from that standpoint, I can be kind and ask others to be kind and respectful. You are so right - the story is about more than a submersible.

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beautiful, Mary. I particularly loved this line " I feel trapped in something society has set in place that will take a mammoth effort to overcome because we have forgotten to be kind to all we meet." each of us is so small yet kindness is so mighty. here's to us both finding ways to be kind right now, this week, this very moment, to others!

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Jun 26, 2023Liked by Julie Lythcott-Haims

Just wanted to leave a general note to say that your newsletter has been excellent. Hope you're well, and I appreciate your work!

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so kind of you to say this, David. I appreciate you. and i love your work, too.

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Jun 25, 2023Liked by Julie Lythcott-Haims

I don't think that would be fair to compare those tragedies. The information availabilities are different. The events are all tragedies; and being wealthy and being poor did not make the end-result different. Being billionaires are not crime and those people are risk takers for a rush of adrenaline. Being refuges are not crime and those people are risk takers for better lives. I am a big supporter to the underdog but I also admire those billionaires who have had guts to take many risk leading their business success. I agree and support the conclusion of "Let me be the kind of person who seeks out those who are othered and offers them a safe harbor."

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thanks for this Julia. i appreciate you!

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Jun 25, 2023Liked by Julie Lythcott-Haims

It's hard for me to feel much sympathy for rich guys behaving foolishly. Like people falling off cliffs taking selfies: evolution in action. But the boat disasters are tragic, and beyond advocating for better safety & conditions, I think we need to think about the bigger picture. What can we & the U.S. do to improve things in those countries people are fleeing from? What would lessen the desperation that propels people to cross borders & seas? Thanks for your thoughtful thoughts on so many subjects.

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thanks David. i think you're hitting on one of the biggest questions of modern human existence - how do we move humans out of danger into safety, even if that means crossing these arbitrary lines we created call 'borders' and 'countries'?

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Julie, I just wanted to thank you for bringing my confused thoughts somewhat in order. I felt no sympathy for those paying tourists (which shocked me as I noticed a real lack of compassion here) but am so apalled by the constant media updates about that case vs the tragedy of those others at sea, which is kind of a repeat of so many tragedies before it. I'm just glad I'm not alone with seeing a disconnect here between lives lost and how we react to the varying scenarios.

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