Why, Oh Why, Am I Cupping A Fly?
Hello, Tiny Evidence Of Life
I have this weird thing about small animals. I can't bear the thought of harm coming to them. I’m known to go outside and beat my arms at scrub jays that are attacking the nest of a smaller bird. And once when a teeny tiny possum was walking through our backyard in the broad daylight I cried out, “Noooo you’re nocturnal! Where is your parent? Are you okaaaaay?” (Months later, when a grown possum walked across the top of our fence late one night, my son Sawyer said, “See mom, the baby possum grew up to be okay.” He knew I needed that. Even though we all know it might not have been the same animal!)
But even I was surprised the other day when I felt tremendous compassion for a fly. A fly is a fly after all. A pest we swat away. Yet this fly had been trapped in our house for a day, and was now in our upstairs bathroom devoid of nutrition. When I entered, it flew around a bit, but it didn’t have the strength to fly for long, so it alit on a box of QTips and just sat there. I knew its little heart and lungs were struggling, with the added fear of my presence. (Does a bug even have lungs? I have no idea. But you get the point.)
My heart said, I gotta help this little guy.
_____
It’s early morning. I know that I have to get the fly all the way down the stairs and then outside. To do that, I need to capture him and hold him safe which will require cupping him in my two hands, which means I won’t be able to unlock and open the front door. I yell out to Dan and Sawyer who are somewhere in the vicinity getting ready for work. Dan pops his head in. I shove the cave of my hands at him and tell him what’s inside. He trots ahead of me down the stairs and opens the door. I place the fly on a juicy Bougainvillea plant right by our front door. I am satisfied that he will live. Or that at least he has a better chance now.
Besides small animals, and, now, flies, lately I’ve also begun to try to keep houseplants alive after a lifetime of failing at it. They’re in my kitchen. I give them liquid from partially-drunk water bottles. I position them in the sun and try to read what they need. I touch them a little and talk a little.
Why?
Maybe because I feel helpless right now, what with the world?
Not to go from the trivial to the devastatingly harsh and obvious, but Jewish people are being killed, held hostage, and hunted by terrorists and anti-Semitism rears its vile and despicable head ever more boldly. And Palestinians in Gaza are being bombed to death by Israel and those who live are starved of food, water, and power. And protestors on “both sides” are coming into harm’s way. And Ukraine continues its fight to survive against the marauding Russia. And White supremacists are spewing their vitriol with reckless abandon (it happened yet AGAIN here at the Palo Alto City Council meeting last night). Just to name a few HUGE things that scare me and make me feel helpless.
So I find myself tending to immensely small things. I don't know whether it’s for them or for me. Does it even matter?
xo
(Yes we must do bigger things - protest, donate to organizations that are on the ground making a difference, elect the right leaders. But at the local level of your home and your life, comment below with the small things you notice yourself doing, if like me you’re working at managing your need for a sense of control in the face of these swirling threats here and worldwide.)
🤗 Here’s a hug for all the people doing their best to keep it together right now.
🏡You've been in Julie's Pod, an online community of over 12,000 people who want to open up about our lives, be vulnerable, learn and grow, and in so doing help others learn and grow.
☎️ For those who are not comfortable commenting publicly, call my anonymous hotline 1-877-HI-JULIE where you can leave a voicemail to let me know what's going on in your life, or to ask a question you’d like to see answered in my “Dear Julie” advice column.
⏩ If you know someone who could benefit from this piece, please share it with them:
➕ A paid subscription gets you access to my “Dear Julie” advice column, a weekly coffee hangout on Zoom, a monthly list of recommended things, and Julie’s Pod stickers for your laptop, water bottle, or phone. Upgrade to paid below.
✍ If you left a comment on any post before today, thank you. I've probably responded. Typically, comments are quite thoughtful, so please feel welcome to join the conversation whenever you feel like it.
© 2023 Love Over Time LLC All Rights Reserved
I very much relate to this as I too save all the insects that get trapped in my house and I too yell for help with the front door! I was in a virtual training with Esther Perel this past weekend and she said we are in a time of "intractable conflict". She said we need to get "less furious and more curious". She talked about modern loneliness and how apps try to do away with friction which continues to impact our ability to manage through conflict. She said we need to move away from binary thinking ("I am right" which makes the other wrong) and "soften the story". Your words and her words are very helpful and saving small creatures is an act of hope. Thank you!
I always try to save spiders as opposed to squish them and dislike it when magpies come and start eating the bird food I've put out, scaring the wee blue tits away! Irrational for sure.