What To Tell The Graduate In Your Life

This advice will help you help them make that big transition.

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My theme in June is transitions, and there’s nothing like a high school or college graduation to make a person realize that something familiar is ending while a whole new thing begins. It comes with bewilderment and fear, as well as excitement and joy. Who will I be? Will they like me? Will it work out?

This week I had the honor of giving an informal talk to a set of high school graduates and their families. Here’s what I told the kids:

1. I’m proud of you and I’ll always be here for you. Not that you’ll need me, but if you do need me, don’t hesitate to reach out.

2. You’ve got this. Sure, you will screw up royally, as I have. But don’t worry too much about it. Mistakes are part of life. Just learn from them and keep going.

3. You matter because you breathe, not because of your grades, scores, achievements and awards. You’re not worth more when you do better, and you’re not worth less (dare I say worthless) when you do worse. You matter, period. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.

4. There is no “right track” or “right path.” There’s only what’s right next for you. A lot of people believe there are only five or so legitimate careers (medicine, engineering, law, finance, or entrepreneurship) but those are just five possible paths out of an infinite number of things that humans do for work. If you love one of those paths and you’re also good at it, great go for it. But if not, figure out what you’re good at and love and go do THAT. You will be miserable if you’re just doing something because you feel you’re “supposed to.”

5. This is your one wild and precious life.* You hear me? It’s YOUR life, not someone else’s. It’s your ONE life (as far as we know). It is WILD: untamed and to be discovered. And boy is it PRECIOUS: rare and of value. This is your one wild and precious life, kid, and I’m rooting for you to live it. (*This is a quote from the Mary Oliver poem, The Summer Day)

6. The greatest measure of a person is how they treat others. The word “Sonder” describes the feeling of realizing that everyone we encounter has a rich and complex life that we know hardly anything about. You have no idea what anyone else is going through. So just be gracious, kind, curious, and humble rather than arrogant or judgmental. Those same good things will come back to you again and again in very meaningful ways.

I hope you can use this with somebody somewhere! If you want a longer version of my advice, watch the address I gave at the University of Puget Sound Commencement in 2024 which is here.

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Comment with a piece of advice you’d give someone transitioning out of high school or college.

Also consider joining my June 22, 2pm (Pacific) Zoom call on Transitions. Come prepared to share a good transition and a hard transition (one transition can be both, of course, as has been the case with some of mine). You’ll be witnessed without judgment and you’ll discover the world didn’t end when you shared. The link to register for the call is below my signature.

(A paid subscription is just $5/month which is the cost of one good cup of coffee. I’d love to see you there.)

xo