One Thing You Can Do Right Now To Start Living Your Best Life
It's Wednesday May 10, 2022. I'm sitting in a plush red chair under the hot lights on a film set in Washington D.C. I've spent the past two days recording content for a new online course I've co-created for people who feel stuck when it comes to adulting, or who are outright struggling with the concept.
As we're about to wrap our filming session, the director asks me to do one more short video in which I'm to thank people for signing up for the course.
And for reasons I don't yet fathom, I start to cry.
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Look, I try to help humans.
I practiced law for that reason. Next, I was a college dean. Then I started writing books, and those books led to talks, panels, interviews, posts, lives, likes, comments, replies, and to this very blog you're reading called Julie's Pod. I'm also a mom who works hard to be the parent that my kids need and deserve.
When I'm at my best, whether with family, friends, or strangers, I'm holding space for people to feel seen, heard, and supported. I feel the tug of the universe to do this work because despite all my privilege, I've been there – unseen, unheard, undervalued, unsure – and because I've received tremendous support and guidance from humans who believed in me. I know that all any of us want, really, is to be loved and accepted as we are and to make our way in this world unfettered by obstacles, external or within. I've learned a ton over these fifty-four years about dealing with those obstacles, and I try to take up all the lessons I've learned so far in life, and use them to shine a warm light on those coming up the path behind me.
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Along the way on my path as a writer and speaker, the folks at TED found me. Back in 2015, they amplified the message of my first book (How to Raise an Adult) by inviting me to give a TED talk about it. (What a terrifying amazing privilege that was.) But it's been years since I was involved with TED. So, this past fall, when I got an email from them inviting me to partner with them once again, this time to turn my new book on adulting (Your Turn: How to Be an Adult) into a course, I was all, Wait, what? ME?
Yes, you, Julie, came the answer, and... 🥁drumroll please🥁... these seven months later, here we are: Me and TED in cahoots on an asynchronous online course called "How to Become Your Best Adult Self" which was created to support YOU and every other person out there who's looking for guidance and support on this journey called life. (Watch the trailer here!)
We've put together a deeply frank, vulnerable course, narrated by yours truly with real talk dosed with boundless enthusiasm about the journey, including a few tears plucked from lessons learned across my flawed – yet I will add joyful – life. And of course it's packed with very practical, actionable tips.
In this course, I'm not telling you what to do with your life. But that said, I DO want you to get out there and live it. Your life is happening as we speak, is what I mean, and I want you to get on with it. Lord knows, we need folks majorly adulting in order to tackle the mess of this American moment.
A little behind the scenes for ya!
Me, Myself, and I.
These are the opening lines. Going over the pacing of the teleprompter.
The view from my chair.
Serious convo with Mary Kadera, head of TED Courses, and producer Carleen Mitchell.
Teeing up the relationships bit. I'm about to get super choked up talking about Dan!
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So here we are on Wednesday May 10, the day we wrap the course and are doing the last video in which I am to thank folks for subscribing.
After months of planning, editing, and getting the course to where we want it to be, I feel overjoyed at the completion of it all. Relieved. Satisfied! Yet, oddly, as I read this final set of words off the teleprompter, my voice rises and falls with wavering emotion and I blinker tears from my eyes.
So, the director, a fellow Black woman named Alicia Minter, pauses and smiles.
"Could we take it again? A little more upbeat and happy? Remember, these folks have just signed on for the course. They're excited!"
I look away and smile, and look down at my lap, and sit back in the deep chair and ponder what the fuck is happening to me. The answer comes quickly. Damn kid, you're getting to sit amidst all of this pomp and circumstance, with the trust of the TED folks, in the presence of more than a dozen other humans who are working hard to lift up your work, all for the purpose of serving some humans out there whom none of us will ever meet, who are counting on us to be good at offering them help on their journey. And then: How the hell did I get to be the one doing this? How did they pluck me from the thousands they might have picked? How fucking lucky am I?
Ah, I realize. This is my pinch-me moment and that's what's making me cry.
I try to say all of this to the director, Alicia, who sits directly behind the camera and is flanked by a whole team of creators.
"Own your authority!" she replies with a huge smile.
You mean act like a white male, I think but do not say, since a quarter of the team are white men and I don't want to offend anyone nor spend the next ten minutes unpacking this very complex concept if it turns out I did turn some of them off. But shit, half of this team are people of color, and half are female, and some number are queer and gender nonbinary, and some have shared with me that they came up through a life of struggle and financial hardship which makes them feel particularly moved by this course in which they are very much a part of the narrative. For all of their sakes, I need them to hear the feelings of incredulity and gratitude that are coursing through me: That of all people, it's we who get to be the humans entrusted with helping others on their journey in this very big way. And that it's audacious to act as if the size and scope and responsibility in even having this opportunity is not a profound life-changing thing.
"Own your authority!" the director had said. And then, as I'd sat with my thoughts, she'd added, "You have every right to be in that chair."
"Oh! You mean act privileged!" I reply, and everyone bursts into laughter. Now I'm laughing, too. I re-take the marketing video, and with that we're done. We spend the next hour and a half undoing the equipment, and saying our thanks and goodbyes. Then we head out separately into the gorgeous night.
Me and Director Alicia Minter.
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It doesn't end there. It ends with the day before. Day one. Tuesday May 9, 2022. The day when the lights and camera are awaiting the action that is about to unfold. We're about ready to do the very first take. This is when I ask Alicia if we can spend like ten minutes in which I'll express my gratitude to all of them, and encourage all of us to set some intentions. Alicia agrees.
I gather the twenty of us in a circle. I ask how many already know each other and learn that I'm not the only newcomer to this crowd. I discover in fact that most have not worked together before. That the group itself is newly forming.
So, I ask them to go around one by one and share their name, their role ("And please explain it, don't assume we know what a "grip" is, or an "editor" for that matter," I say.) Then I ask them to share with all of us what they need to have happen over the course of this taping in order for them to feel that they have been successful in this endeavor which is all about serving others.
You see, I want each of them to bring their fullest self to this task of creating a great offering for some nameless, faceless humans who are seeking help and are yearning for us to get it right. I'm old and grown enough to know that in order for these folks right here to do beautiful work on behalf of other humans, they first needed to feel seen, heard, and supported, themselves. These folks in cahoots with me matter to me, too. Just look at these beautiful faces.
The entire team!
I believe in humans.
Humans are complicated and so worth it.
TED and I made this course for you, or for someone you know who is ready to be rooted for as they make their way in their adulthood! Check it out here. Share it with others. And tell me what you think!
🏚You've been in Julie's Pod, an online community of 11,000 subscribers. If you aren't already one of them (it's free) you can take care of that here. We're made up of folks who know that by opening up and getting vulnerable about what's up with us, we grow and help others do the same. The community has grown the most over time by readers simply sharing any particular piece with a friend. So if you know someone who should read this post, please share it by clicking here.
📝 If you left a comment on any post before today, here or on social media, I've probably responded, and I always appreciate what you have to say even if I may feel differently. Please feel welcome to join the conversation. I want you to. We need to get MUCH better at being cordial and thoughtful in response to what other people have to say, while also articulating our own truths. This is a good place to practice.
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📓 I'm super excited about this new online course with TED, which is based on my book, Your Turn: How to Be an Adult. If you have a young adult in your life who needs help getting unstuck, or an adult of any age who is eager to re-tool things, consider getting them the book as well as the course. The handwritten letters I get from readers let me know that I've hit on something important with this book, which of course I love!
🧐 If you missed my post at the end of June about how I was estranged from a neighbor and I thought it was their fault but came to realize it was maybe kinda also mine, check it out here. Other popular posts in Julie's Pod include one on the day COVID got me which is here, the impact of the return of grown children on the sex life of empty nesters which is here, on the trauma and tragedy of youth suicide which is here, and the role parents can play in turning normal childhood fears into outright anxieties which is here.
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🪢 I've decided to try to stand up for everyone in my city to feel a sense of belonging here by running for City Council. I'll announce it officially in about a month. Consider this a sneak peek. If you dig the idea, and want to contribute to my campaign click here. 😊 Sadly, it costs a lot to mount a successful campaign and every small donation will help me get there.
👋🏽 If you're interested in learning more about me and my work, please follow me @jlythcotthaims on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and/or TikTok and check out my website.
📸 Cover Photo Credit: TED
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