It's Mom's Time
Making meaning in final moments
I think you know that my mom has terminal cancer and cognitive decline. She’s been under the care of Hospice for four months, and they’re telling us that the end is pretty near.
I’m feeling a whole host of emotions as I try to come to terms with the fact that she is going to be gone soon, and I’ve been struggling to figure out what that means for these final days. (Do I need to take her to the mountains? To the sea?)
But on Sunday, my niece Sade reminded me that there’s no need to manufacture a magical experience – the magic is in doing what Dan, Sawyer, and I have been doing for so many months now - sitting with your loved one as they slowly make their way out of this life, and to just be present. So that’s what I’ve continued to do. That, and I'm also telling her those things I want to be sure I've said. Like I'm sorry for all the times I was difficult and made it hard for you. (Thank God I'm finally mature enough to say that piece out loud.)
This first photo below is me and Mom poolside at our home in Lagos, Nigeria in 1969. The second is a classic Olan Mills photo from when I was home from college freshman year which was 1986. The third is from Mom's and my trip to Ghana in 2015, at the exact spot on the beach where Daddy proposed to her back in 1966. The top photo is of me and Mom, this past weekend.
xo
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Dear dear Julie, I am sending condolences and love to you, Dan, and the whole wonderful family. I know this is tough. Jeannie was special. As the song says: "Just breathe."
Bless you, Julie, and your mom and beautiful family. You are doing such a great service by sharing your journey so publicly, bringing death, dying and grieving out of the shadows. My mom died when she was 60 and I was 29 (I’m 65 now). I spent years not coming to terms with it and fully grieving.🙏🏻