I Thought I Was Supporting Ukraine. Am I?
How do we help? How do we avoid causing further harm?
[This newsletter reflects my musings about human behavior. At the end, please add your voice to the mix. If you like the concept and don't want to miss out on the next newsletter, please subscribe (it's free)!]
It's last Friday. I'm riding shotgun on a long drive through Northern California. Just north of Bodega Bay near Jenner, we come to the bridge that spans the meandering Russian River. As we speed past, I notice that on the government-issued sign demarcating the existence of this river, the word "Ukraine" is pasted atop the word "Russian." It's a makeshift sign. Handwritten and on cardboard. It won't last long in these rains.
Clever, I think to myself. It seems like a tiny bit of righteous outrage under this big blue helpless sky. Like You want to try to erase me and my people, Putin? Well, here's what it feels like. I ask Dan to turn around so I can take a photo. I walk on tamped-down foliage to get close enough for a decent shot. I caption it and post it to my Instagram story.
I get a lot of likes and positive emojis. I also get two critiques. One from my dear friend Luke here in the U.S., and one from a new friend, a 17-year-old named Mariana, who lives in Russia. Both are concerned that I am playing to the Xenophobic attitudes toward Russians that are piercingly rampant right now.
But I've also faced critique from a different vantage point. A few weeks back, a person who identifies herself as a big fan of my work (I'll call her Darya) became outraged that I chose to do a Facebook live with this same young Russian woman, Mariana, who in the hours following the Russian invasion pinged me on Instagram to express fear and anguish over what her country was doing. Darya is incensed at me for having held this conversation with Mariana. She says I should be talking to Ukrainians. I've told her that I don't know any Ukrainians, but that if I did, I would certainly seek to amplify their voice.
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I respect when people push back. Their concerns gave me pause. Often I respond to detractors, sometimes even to trolls (to whom I'm trying to demonstrate Hey, there's a human being underneath this steaming pile of shit you just laid down.) I'm trying to model that even when we disagree fundamentally about things, we can be civil.
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This week, I chose to promote Mariana's video again. Darya came back with fierce critique: "You have completely lost my respect." When I asked her what she meant she said, "What did this teenager personally do to stop the war? What active steps have you taken on your part? Did she collect the truth of what is happening in Ukraine and did she try to convey it to her fellow citizens?"
I'm not sure what Darya wants me, or Mariana, to do. What she thinks we as individuals can do. Why she believes I have more power than I actually have. In trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, I think what I'm encountering is someone who is so desperately outraged by what is happening to Ukraine (and rightly so) who feels that the world is not doing enough, and who in these moments in which she interacts with me, is using me as a stand-in for "the world." What constitutes 'doing enough' on the part of a civilian half a world away, I am caused to wonder?
I am caused to wonder Do I sound like this when I perceive people aren't doing enough for Black lives in America?
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And some will be mad that I just appeared to equate the war in Ukraine to the condition of Black people in America. No, they are not the same. Every atrocity is different and causes us to feel concern in response to how much we personally relate to the people impacted. Hate crimes against Asian American and Pacific Islander people are on the rise in this country. Latinos in America are demeaned as dirty illegal people who have no business living here. Jews are constantly in the white nationalist crosshairs. Palestine is occupied. Indigenous people everywhere seek reparations, repair, fairness, apology, opportunity. Black and brown people have had a harder time getting safely out of Ukraine. And why did the world close its doors to so many Syrian refugees? And where was the world when the Rwandan Tutsis were slaughtered by the Hutus? Why is a child who flees terror in Central America put in chains at the American border but a child who flees terror in Ukraine is called a hero.
How we respond to atrocity and war says everything about what and who matters more. And who matters less. And those decisions of response or lack thereof laid naked at our front door provoke further outrage. And we try to make some sense of it, but sometimes it is so unbearably overwhelming that we just hide.
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I don't think so highly of my own opinions, intellect, values, or intentions that I'm not willing to pause and look back on what I've done in posting this photo from the banks of the Russian River. I ask myself, What DOES a beautiful river have to do with Putin's war? Why DO we think erasing the word 'Russian' from things solves anything at all? Is this a clever form of protest, or does it completely miss the point while creating its own form of harm?
I also ask, In giving a voice to a Russian teenager who felt anguish over what her country's leader was doing to Ukraine, was I also obligated to locate a Ukrainian person who could express their feelings on the matter? What is my obligation to people halfway around the world, anyway? Where do I even begin?
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Rhetoric is powerful. It captivates people, and the easier it is to share, the faster it travels. I know that as a writer. I want that as a writer, right? I want to write something that moves people to share it.
But, our language on social media and our memes are shorthand for larger points. And shorthand can sometimes fall woefully short. We can't be careless and lazy. We shouldn't fail to take ownership for the flames that can ensue from our own clever sparks. While we can and must educate people to know better and do better, we shouldn't hurl blame at people who bear no responsibility for the thing; just as we shouldn't blame, demean, or harm Chinese people because the coronavirus may have escaped from a lab in Wuhan, China, we shouldn't blame, demean, or harm Russians because their tyrannical leader is invading Ukraine.
What we should do, I think, is keep talking. And not be afraid of disagreement, and instead accept that it's an inevitable byproduct of human interaction. But we should also do more than talk. We should aid humans who are suffering, whether that aid is our money, our time, our effort, our homes, our advocacy. And we should lead with love, always, and offer kindness to every face we meet, no matter what.
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Julie's Pod is a co-created community. This means that I get things going by putting my thoughts here, but I want yours in the mix, too. So, comment below, please, in response to any of these prompts (or just with whatever is on your mind now that you've read this):
What are you feeling called to do with respect to the war on Ukraine?
Can you acknowledge that there are some atrocities committed by humans against other humans that you care about more than others, and can you articulate why that is?
What can we do to prevent the overreach of hate toward individuals who bear none of the responsibility but are caught up in net of what their country has done.
If you're an American (of whatever race/ethnicity), have you ever been called out by a citizen of another country for the atrocities America has committed in the world?
What acts of kindness are you putting into the world TODAY?
Remember, you can call it in to my anonymous hotline (1-877-HI-JULIE) if you don't feel comfortable commenting in public!
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I leave you with this very comprehensive list of ways that you can support different groups of people in Ukraine. A wonderful talk on what it means to be a refugee. Another wonderful talk on what it's like to be a parent in a war zone.
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📸 Cover Photo Credit: Getty Images/Vicente Méndez/Moment Open
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