Breaking Free of What Ails Me
Go back with me to exactly one year ago.
It's my 54th birthday. Despite being a highly educated and economically privileged person, despite having health insurance and access to good doctors, nurses, and health care technicians, and despite having a father who was a leader in public health at the national and international level, I'm nevertheless dealing with a lifelong health care struggle based on my fear that health care workers are against me.
Basically, I'm afraid to go to the doctor.
But inside, I know this isn't right. Or smart. So I mull the experiences, feelings, and beliefs that underlie my fears. To see if I can break free of what ails me.
I come to terms with an experience I had way back in 1988 at the age of twenty, at my college's student health center. About how I'd gone in there with really bad bronchitis and came out with a handout describing a 1,200 calorie diet. In other words, I was fat-shamed that day, and that experience put me in a cage.
I wrote a piece confessing all of this to you right here in Julie's Pod. I announced that I'd decided to stop giving one bad doctor from my past any further power over me.
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Today is my 55th birthday.
What a difference a year makes.
Over the past year, I took a huge breath and made an appointment with the new-ish primary care physician I'd had for a few years but typically only saw for urgent matters. After getting over my initial sheepishness at having finally come in to see her, I was able to talk with her about my chronic challenges, like insulin resistance (pre-diabetes), and high cholesterol. I also had the complete blood workup I'd been putting off. And the mammogram that was a little delayed. I started meds for high cholesterol and insulin resistance. Got a steroid injection into the knee that I injured two and a half years ago and which has ached every day since.
I've got miles to go on this journey. But at least I'm on the journey. I'm less afraid of doctors, and their data and diagnoses. I'm more interested in getting to my eighty-fifth birthday in one piece.
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I felt empowered to try to break free from what ailed me because of my involvement with a nonprofit called the Black Women's Health Imperative (BWHI) where I've been a board member since the summer of 2021.
BWHI's mission is to solve the most pressing health issues that affect Black women and girls in the U.S. And to eliminate all barriers to the health and wellness of Black women. I know from personal experience that feeling empowered to stand up to mistreatment within the health care industry is key. And knowing we have the right to seek and find a different care provider who will care for and inherently respect us is key, too.
Tomorrow on #GivingTuesday I'll be making a gift to BWHI. I'd like to invite you to make a contribution to them too. Perhaps $55 for my 55th birthday, or some multiple thereof (such as $110; $220; $550; $1100 or whatever works for you). Many thanks for considering. You can donate here!
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The best part of being public about my health journey are the messages I've gotten from readers about their health journey. Some shared difficult memories of having had to deal with the very same doctor who mistreated me. Others told me completely unrelated stories, but difficult stories nevertheless. A health care worker who drew my blood one day told me she was afraid to go get her mammogram. I found this so eye-opening.
We all need and deserve health care. We all want to be well. It's a tragedy to not have access to care or to be able to afford it; I am incredibly fortunate to not face those barriers. But I had to confront significant emotional barriers within myself. Perhaps you can relate! If so, I'm rooting for you to do the work you need to do to get where you need to be.
🏡 You've been in Julie's Pod, an online community of over 12,000 people who want to open up about our lives, be vulnerable, learn and grow, and in so doing help others learn and grow.
➡️ If you want to read the piece I wrote a year ago detailing my experience with the doctor back in 1988 and the shame and fear that ensued, it's here. If you want to read about my battle to get my health insurance company to cover the medication my doctor prescribed me this year, it's here. If you want to read about my intimate conversation with a phlebotomist who confessed to me that she was afraid to get her mammogram because of what it might reveal, it's here.
💌 If you've read this far, you are definitely entitled to a free "Julie's Pod" sticker for your laptop or water bottle courtesy of me and the U.S. Postal Service. If you want one, just DM me your snail mail address (or if you don't know how to DM a person, just email me@lythcott-haims.com). I promise I will toss your snail mail address in the trash as soon as I pop the sticker in the mail to you!
🪴The Julie's Pod community grows fastest when you share this post with a friend. So think about who might want to read this piece, and please forward it to them. If you want to just provide the link, it's here.
✍ If you left a comment on any post before today, I've probably responded. The comments are often quite thoughtful, so please feel welcome to join the conversation whenever you feel like it. For those who can't comment publicly, I've set up a hotline 1-877-HI-JULIE where you can leave an anonymous voicemail to let me know what's on your mind, whether about a piece of mine or something going on in your life.
🧐 If you're interested in my work more broadly, check out my website my social media, where everywhere I'm @jlythcotthaims.
🌲 Did you know that the name of my city, "Palo Alto," means "tall tree" in Spanish? I've just been elected to our City Council where I intend to advocate for everyone in our city to be treated with equal dignity.
